Her Story…Lavon Little Link
"We've Come a Long Way Baby" My brother, Joe, who was 22 months younger and I grew up in a home filled with tension. I mention that to say that this tension formed a bond between us that made for a very close relationship. By the time we were young adults the Viet Nam war was raging, and Joe was drafted into the infantry. It was a difficult time for our family. It was during the time in Viet Nam that Joe came to terms with the fact that he was gay, but it would be several more years before he would be able to tell me.
After the war, Joe moved to Los Angeles and went to work for Capital Records. After a very short time he was promoted to the position of being responsible for all of Capital Records' international contracts. He had an enviable life with a home in LA and an apartment in Paris. His travels were extensive. It was during those years that Joe, on a visit to our home in Tulsa, would one evening sitting in our living room, tell me that he was gay. He told me that he had waited a while to tell me this because I was married to a Baptist minister, and he felt that I would not accept him because of that. I was glad that I could tell him honestly that I had already figured that out, and that all I wanted for him was that he be happy. Although he never was.
As I have listened to the stories told here in this room I have not heard anyone tell of the violence that can sometimes be associated with these relationships. Joe got involved with a young man who wound up beating him severely, and while Joe recovered in the hospital, the man drained his bank accounts and stole many items of value from his home. Because of the nature of their relationship in the early '80s, and in the culture of those years, Joe didn't report any of this to the police. I flew to LA to be with him a few days while he recovered, and it was a dark and depressing time to be with him. I left LA feeling very uneasy and with a sense of dread for what was to come. In the early '80s AIDS began to come to the surface, and Joe's friends began to die. No one knew why. Those early deaths were painful and lingering with no treatment available because doctors were not sure what they were dealing with. AIDS was a death sentence. Joe sat by the bedside of five very close friends who died of AIDS. Joe didn't have AIDS, but on Christmas Eve, 1984 Joe took his own life. I think there were many factors that led to Joe's death...early tension in our home seemed to have more negative impact on Joe than on me...Viet Nam and dealing with death on a daily basis, and 18 months of incredible daily stress, coming to grips with being gay during a time that was totally unacceptable in our culture...being alongside numerous friends as they died of AIDS. All of this, plus a number of additional factors weighed heavily on him.
As I've listened to the stories told here, and the current struggles we still have, I'm also aware that we have made strides in the understanding of a gay lifestyle, and the care and treatment of AIDS. I wish that every family could find a safe place to land like the "safe place" that is offered here...a place where they could also share their stories. As I have moved forward in my own life, I have found God's grace to be sufficient to cover my own loss of my brother whom I deeply loved. It has also helped me to offer that same grace to those around me, both gay and straight who are hurting. In recent years I have read several books written by Henri Nouwen. If you are not familiar with him, let me introduce him to you. He was an internationally renowned author, priest, respected professor, and beloved pastor. He wrote 40 books on the spiritual life and spoke five languages fluently. In the past year (2011), Dr. Nouwen's book, "The Return of the Prodigal Son", has had a profound impact on my life. When I first read this, I was unaware that he was gay. It was a secret that he kept from all but a few people during his life. The priest was a celibate homosexual. I suddenly realized why his writings so resounded with me. He struggled all his life with rejections, the wound of loneliness, and restlessness. This fall I was leading a Sunday morning Bible study at our church based on the Prodigal Son. I used several references to Nouwen's book. I did not put any reference in my lesson to Nouwen being gay, but asked God in my prayer time to prompt me if He wanted me to speak up while I was teaching. As I began to open up to them about this and about how different our children see this issue than we did/do, I began to see heads nod in affirmation of what I was saying. When I completed the study, many came to me to tell me how meaningful the study had been. There was one man who had sat on the back row of the room who I couldn't "read". He is a very outspoken person with very strong opinions. I had interpreted his silence to be disapproval since he seldom holds back his opinions. The next Sunday when I walked into that same room, he said he would like to visit with me for a moment about last Sunday's study. I thought to myself, "Here it comes!". He said to me, "There was only one thing wrong with your lesson last Sunday". When I asked what that was, he said. "You didn't ask for questions or comments. I just knew you would get some negative feedback, and I was going to lambast them. I have a couple of nephews who are gay, and I would not put up with negative talk." As Aubin always says, "To put a face on gay changes your attitude."
