“A Letter to My Younger Self” - Mark Hayes

Dear Mark,

I am writing you around 50 years in the future, so I have the benefit of knowing how your life may unfold.

First of all, I want you to know that I am very proud of you, not just because of what you may accomplish in life, but simply because you are an amazing human being.

Secondly, I love you unconditionally and I hope you will learn to love and appreciate yourself as I do.

Remember in high school when you were intent on going to Lawrence University in Appleton, WI to study piano? You thought it would have a better conservatory of music because it wasn’t a “church school.” But instead you ended up at Baylor University and that was fortuitous. So many opportunities, both on and off campus were waiting for you there, unknown to you. Can you imagine where your career path would have taken you had you not connected with Word Music, headquartered in Waco, TX at that time?

Do you recall in your junior year at Baylor when you had all but given up on being a piano performance major? You even flunked your jury before your senior recital! Out of that “failure” another door was opening. You realized that the gospel choral arrangements you were writing for fun could provide royalty income through your connections at Word Music. You realized that graduate school was not the right next step for you and found a job in the sacred music industry.

Two years of composition study, a semester of choral conducting and a semester of orchestration felt like wasted energy back then since you were a piano major, right? Trust me, those are valuable skills. One day you will have the opportunity to conduct choirs and orchestras around the world in venues like Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center and the Vatican.

Society may say that you need to have a five or ten year plan for your life. When you are a creative your career path won’t follow a straight line.

Never burn bridges. I’m thinking of a fellow composer and colleague, Brad Nix, who at one time was your arranging student. Now he is in charge of sacred choral and keyboard music at a major publisher and is the very person you submit new music to for publication consideration.

People will compliment you for your playing and your writing. Look them in the eye and thank them every time. They are giving you the gift of their attention and admiration. Even if you have just screwed up a performance, accept compliments with grace and gratitude.

There are spirituals gifts within you, the gifts of creativity, encouragement and teaching. They are for the building up of the body of Christ, not to bolster your ego.

Be generous in giving to others, whether that’s your time, talent or expertise. The law of circulation is always at work in your life. What you freely give away will always come back to you abundantly, and often in surprising ways.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to people is the gift of mindful listening. Look them in the eye. Give them your full attention and resist crafting your response while they’re talking. They probably have not asked for your advice. Your mindful presence is a valuable gift to them.

Be kind. Kindness is in short supply these days.

Be bravely authentic. You have struggled to reconcile being a gay man with your deep faith in God and the religion of your youth. You will get through that. There are family members, friends and strangers that will support you and remind you that you are created in God’s image. You will find love and have a long lasting marriage.

You will experience criticism, ridicule and condemnation. Know that is more about the people saying those things than it is about you. They may be working through their belief systems and feelings about sexuality. It can be a scary topic.

You will come to love the God given balance of femininity and masculinity within you that helps you create such beautiful music.

When your belief systems about anything, especially spiritual things, no longer make sense to you, question them. You are on the road to self-enlightenment. You may have been raised to believe that life gets more black and white the older you get, but I have not found that to be true. God is always in the process of revelation. Yes, there are absolute truths, but you can trust the Holy Spirit within you to reveal what is your truth.

Surround yourself with a supportive community of like-minded people who see the best in you and remind you of your value when you get off track. See what you can learn from people who don’t think like you.

I remember the disappointing experience of when you were set to record your first extended through-composed classical work for chorus and orchestra, your Te Deum. A large church with a great choir and orchestra agreed to record this along with several of your choral anthems. Then some people in this church found out you were gay and the project was canceled. You were devastated. Not content to give up, you explored several options and finally were able to record this work with a professional chorale in Kansas City. It turned out better than you could have imagined. God had something better in mind for you.

But the story didn’t stop there. A year or so later, you were in Los Angeles at the national ACDA convention and met up with a friend who worked for a concert agency in New York City. She had heard about your Te Deum and asked if you would conduct it at Carnegie Hall the next year. You said yes! That started the tradition of your many Carnegie Hall concerts. If you had given up after the church canceled the project, you would have lost out on so many rich professional opportunities. You would have never received the good that God intended for you.

It's all about perspective, Mark, believing that good can come from anything, even bad experiences. Knowing that God wants to give his children every good thing is a promise that you count on over and over again. Each time you go through a trial, your faith in God and God’s goodness will grow stronger.

Life can be hard. You can react to whatever comes your way or take a breath and mindfully respond, knowing there is something to learn that may only come through difficulty.

You have a unique musical voice, unlike any other. Trust it. Educate yourself. Explore all styles and forms of music.

Remember the time you were a clinician with John Rutter at a sacred music conference? You were in awe of him and told him how you envied his upbringing in the boy choir culture of England. He had heard you play some gospel piano and said to you, “Mark, what you bring to the piano from your religious heritage is your gift to the world. Be proud of it.”

Whatever kind of music you create, write music that brings you joy. That joy will communicate to everyone who hears it and performs it in intangible ways, far beyond your knowing.

The most important counsel I can give you is to be grateful. When you are thankful for the little things in life, blessings, big and small, will find you.

Enjoy this life, Mark. It’s the only one you will have.